


Really Bad Eggs

by Merixcil



Series: Tumblr Fics [46]
Category: Big Bang (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Gen, Humor, Pirates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24109162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merixcil/pseuds/Merixcil
Summary: Jungkook and Taehyung are captured stowaways
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Kim Taehyung | V
Series: Tumblr Fics [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1759627





	Really Bad Eggs

Jungkook’s not sure exactly how long they’ve been tied up in the cargo hold, but he knows it’s long enough for Taehyung to be Very Hungry Indeed.

He knows this, because Taehyung will not shut up about it.

“Do you think there’s ham in one of these barrels? Pirates love ham”

“Taehyung…”

“Or chops.”

“Pirates don’t like chops, they cry about them.”

“Tears of joy!”

Jungkook groans and rolls his head back to meet the pole they’ve been tied to. Under normal circumstances he can withstand Taehyung’s boundless optimism, but right now he wishes his friend would shut up for five minutes.

The ship creaks around them, and they have to brace themselves as it lurches starboard, to prevent the ropes around their wrists pulling tight and cutting off the blood to their hands. They sit, stifled by the half dark leaking through a loan porthole further up the ship and listen for the rats, skittering amongst the ballast and eatables till the ship holds steady enough for them to gain firm footing.

Taehyung’s stomach rumbles, “perhaps they just eat seagulls”

“Will you please stop talking about food!” Jungkook snaps. He tries to elbow Taehyung in the ribs for good measure, temporarily forgetting that his hands are tied - he misses his target, but not the pole, and swears up a storm as the the resulting pain ricochets along the joint.

“Mind you tongue there boy, the sharks love a rotten mouth.”

Jungkook freezes immediately. The voice echoes up from behind them, a casual drawl threatening to turn razor sharp should things not proceed the way the speaker wishes. They can’t see who it is, but it doesn’t take a genius to work it out.

“Oh fuck, oh FUCK,” Taehyung whines under his breath.

Jungkook grits his teeth and listens to the sound of booted feet crossing the deck, getting closed and closer till the hem of a long coat brushes against his finger tips.

“Y’know who I am?” the voice asks, uncomfortably close to Jungkook’s ear. He draws a shaky breath and tries to think of a witty response that simultaneously shows enough deference to not get the two of them run through with a cutlass on sight.

Before he can get that far, Taehyung opens his mouth, “You’re captain G Dragon of the pirate ship Bigbang, scourge of East Sea, terror of Jeju, the conqueror of the Pacific Ocean, the only known Pirate to have produced a recognised fashion line,” he barely suppresses a squeal, “I’m such a big fan.”

There is a very long moment during which no one says anything. In hindsight Jungkook supposes that he should have been worrying that Taehyung’s lack of terrified respect was about to get them killed, but in the heat of the moment he is nothing sure of outraged that his friend would steal his line like that.

Luckily for both of them, G Dragon laughs. An unassuming chuckle that spills over into high pitched giggle almost immediately, “a couple of fans are you? Thought no one would notice if you tried to pass yourself off as cabin boys?”

Yes, in fact. That’s exactly what’s going on here, though it doesn’t sound like nearly such a good idea as it had done when they were sneaking onto the ship back in Busan.

“We sincerely wish to join your crew, sir.” Jungkook starts, “we couldn’t see how else to-”

“Save it kid, I’ve heard it all before,” G Dragon cuts him off, smile still heavy in his voice, “hold still and this’ll all be over in a moment.”

The next thing Jungkook hears is a sword being drawn from a scabbard, the hiss of metal meeting metal that is so very nearly akin to fingernails down a blackboard. He barely has time to draw breath before his brain pains the words ‘I am going to die’ across every stray thought he’s having and just like that he’s as scared as he’s ever been in his life.

He closes his eyes and flinches, expecting the blade to fall across his neck. Under normal circumstances he would fight back, but trussed up like a chicken as he is there’s nothing he can do but wait for the blood to start leaving his body.

“That should do you,” G Dragon says.

Jungkook opens an eye tentatively, sees the cargo bay before him, feels the distinct lack of pain coursing through his body. He’s pretty sure he’s not dead, but he reaches up to feel for slashes at his throat just to be sure.

He finds nothing, then he realises his hands are free, “you untied me.”

“And me! And me!” Taehyung crows in delight, holding up his very much rope free hands in triumph, “thank you mister captain G Dragon sir.”

“Cap’n’s fine,” G Dragon replies.

Jungkook looks past Taehyung to see the pirate shifting in the dark, too far back to be seen properly save for the red of his coat and the gleam of his teeth. He’s shorter than Jungkook was expecting but he’s seen enough to know that size is rarely a good indicator of strength.

It’s with wary excitement that Jungkook offers his own thanks, aware as he is that they’re far from port and if G Dragon doesn’t want them on his ship that doesn’t bode well for either of them.

G Dragon chuckles and drops further back into the shadows, “don’t thank me yet boys, I expect you to earn your keep. I’ll see you up on deck in five, we’ll get you better acquainted with the quartermaster.”

Taehyung leans into Jungkook, bouncing on the balls of his feet with excitement, “Jungkooooooookieeee!!! You know what that means, right?”

Heart thumping a mile a minute, Jungkook drags Taehyung forward towards what he can only assume is a ladder to the upper decks.

“Ok, so we got the cabin boy job after all,” he hisses back to Taehyung, “but we can’t fuck this up, you understand?”

Taehyung grins at him, “just you wait, we’re gonna be the best pirates ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted as part of a multi chaptered 'tumblr prompts' fic that I'm trying to split up. If you think you've read it before, you probably have


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